Talking to Myself
by Backinwonderland
Summary: Recommended that you read CrushedCoppelia's Doing What You Love And Loving What You Do before you read this, though the context here should be completely understandable for everybody!


**This story is again for CrushedCoppelia because of all the help she's given me and because of her sheer awesomeness. You might not understand this story (though you may find it strangely entertaining! I tired explaining things as best as I could!) unless you've read her story Doing What You Love and Loving What You Do. **

**If for some strange reason you (who happens to NOT be CrushedCoppelia!) have a craving for a one-shot or a request, LET ME KNOW! I'm really enjoying doing them!! PM me or hit me up on twitter!! **

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It was unreasonable for me to feel so hostile and irritable towards my younger sister when, in my heart, I knew my anger was unjust, especially with no explanation for my actions. The pure frustration behind her eyes was burned into my own line of vision as I left my house, fully aware that I deserved whatever distaste she felt towards me... though I still felt as though I was... doing the right thing.

Maybe it was also unreasonable for me to call Dougie Poynter, the worlds least responsible person in the world, over to "babysit" her, when in reality she was older than he was and undoubtedly more mature. What would he really accomplish anyway? In all honesty, she could sneak by him and right out the front door with a wave over her shoulder in his lethargic direction, and he wouldn't even question her motives.

Yet I still felt comfortable knowing at least _someone _was there. Someone who could... chaperone any events that occurred. He could at least tell me where she'd headed off to, or who had come to visit her. It was all more than she'd willingly tell me now, seeing as I'd acted like a complete git to her. Her passionately aggressive words continued to loop through my mind, reminding me of my stupid behavior.

_"...I don't recall ever asking for your advice on me and Dan, and yet all you seemed to do is continually force it our way! We're doing perfectly fine without you!"_

_"...Just do me a favor Harry, and stay out of it. We don't need, or want, your help."_

My little sister knew just what to say to cut me the most. She had to be aware of the impact each of her words had on me, emotionally and physically. It pained me almost enough to convince me that maybe I was wrong; maybe I was supposed to back off. And then I remembered _why _I felt so strongly about my defense. It was all in her best interest. I just wanted to protect her.

"Hey, Iz," I smiled convincingly at my girlfriend as I landed on her doorstep, happily advancing into her welcoming flat. She greeted me with a chaste kiss, her own lips forming a partial smile as she pulled me to her, the taste of a sweet reunion washing between us.

"Hey yourself," she replied after we pulled apart, her cheeks turning upward as she met my gaze.

Izzy was aware of my tight predicament with Ella. She knew that I would protect my little sister with my life, and that I felt completely out of my element with the little control I'd been given over the situation. But Izzy was also very close to Ella. I knew that neither of us saw eye-to-eye when it came to my sister and her too-close-for-comfort relationship with one of my best friends. Izzy was in support; I was not.

"How've you been? You look stressed..." Izzy observed as she took my hand and led me to the living room, pulling me onto the couch in an offhanded way. I sighed, knowing that it was best to hold in my own personal opinions. She couldn't completely understand if she didn't share my view.

"It's just Ella. No big deal, really," I tried to sound nonchalant in my response, hoping that my aloofness would get by her clinical eye. Normally she never missed a thing.

"No big deal? Harry, you and Ella were in a screaming fit in your kitchen yesterday. I'd hardly say that it was 'no big deal'." Of course she knew. Izzy always knew.

I sighed loudly, giving up all hope of keeping everything locked inside of me. On a normal basis, I could probably hide my emotions like a clever actor putting on a fake face to convince the world he was truly someone else. Though tonight, with Izzy, I wasn't so skilled.

"Ugh, it's just... we haven't spoken all day. She's been giving me these horrible looks, like I've betrayed her or something. I'm really only doing this for her. Why doesn't she understand that? It really is all in her best interest," I ground my teeth together as Izzy comfortingly massaged the back of my hand with her thumb, nodding her head in understanding.

Though I knew she didn't totally understand. She was just hearing what I had to say. If she understood, she wouldn't say what she said next.

"I know it sucks, babe, but it's because, in her eyes, you _are _betraying her. I think she's just upset that you're invading her space. Maybe if you back out a little – let her have some breathing room-"

"The last time I did _that, _she and Danny ended up going out," I interrupted, frowning as my frustration continued to simmer. This conversation was not helping.

"Come on, you know that's not true. Honestly, back then didn't you _want _them to get along? Weren't you sick of them fighting all the time? You can't say that you want _that _relationship back," Izzy sounded surprised; she knew me better than that.

"I'd rather have her standing her own, as invulnerable as possible. At least when they fought she had nothing to lose. _Now _when he hurts her... it'll break her heart," I could see it as clear as day in my eyes. Ella coming running through the door, tears in her eyes as she cried and cried as she told me how _"Danny broke her heart!" _through her sobs.

"How can you be so sure that it'll happen like that thought? It's like you have no faith in your friend," Izzy frowned, her tone patronizing and vexing me even more.

"Look, I love Danny. He's one of my best mates. And _because _he's one of my best mates I know him better than anybody. He is _not _a relationship man. Why should I feel comfortable with him _dating my sister_?" I asked, demanding a logical answer.

"Because he _sees_ her more than he saw any of those bimbos he used to go out with. Just look at them – and I mean _really _look at them. They go together so well-"

"And last year, they _fought _so well, too. Danny's predictable." I stated, not budging on the subject. Izzy huffed, now growing frustrated as well.

A small part of me felt guilty for spoiling our night together. I'd been told by many people that my bad moods were contagious. Though the other, more assertive part of me knew that in the end, I was right. And Izzy would just have to accept that.

We sat quietly for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts. It was distracting, though, because she would look determinedly at me as though expecting me to speak. Or to apologize. I wasn't in the mood to do much of either.

"I'm going for a walk... I need to think..." I sighed, standing up and lightly pulling my hand out of hers. Her frown grew deeper but she didn't argue or try to convince me to stay. I think she wanted an hour or so of alone time as well.

I pulled my jacket back on and headed out the door, yelling that I had my phone if she needed me. The town had moved way passed dusk and the street lights had begun to glow in the chilled, damp evening. The stars were beginning to appear and a light wind blew the clouds swiftly enough for a few glimpses of their twinks to show. It was peaceful.

I meandered on my own, distracting my frustrated and annoyed thoughts by the small, insignificant objects around me. A squirrel found a pine cone and was standing over it while staring at me, as though daring me to walk over to him to steal it. I let him be.

I eventually found myself in town with shops lining the small main road on the left and right. Most of the stores were closed or were in the process of closing; the shopkeepers flicking out the last of the lights and locking the front doors, flipping the store signs over to read "closed" in bright red letters. I continued along the way anyhow, hoping to maybe find something of interest. It didn't dawn on me that with the normal, day shops closing, the bars would be opening. I accidentally stumbled upon the town pub, it's inhabitants bursting with music and laughter that could be heard from outside the large wooden door.

What would one drink hurt? I needed to relax – to chill out. Sitting down and getting out of the cold weather could help me think and calm down.

I entered the pub, realizing that it was my first time ever visiting the place. I had a tendency to stick to larger, more franchised businesses instead of the local bars. I remembered Danny mentioning going there – though he knew every pub from the tip of England all the way to the bottom. If a place sold alcohol, Danny had been there.

"Wha' can I get fer ye?" The barman squinted at me from behind tiny spectacles, his eyes buried so deeply behind layers of elderly wrinkles and hair that I wasn't sure if he could totally see me. At any rate I ordered a beer, not quite sure if I trusted a near-blind barman with mixing a drink for me.

"Thanks," I smiled politely as he popped the cap and handed it to me, condensation making the glass bottle perspire in my hands. He placed a mug beside it, though I paid it no attention. I liked the feeling of the cool glass texture underneath my palm.

The barman (who I later found out was named Ernest) and I held a light conversation as I sat at the bar with a bottomless beer in my hand. Whenever I ran dry, my new friend automatically refreshed it and removed the empty bottle. I loved nice barmen.

"Know what really ticks me off, though?" I asked him as I cracked into a new bottle. I had no idea how many I'd already had. All I knew was that I was getting drunk alone. A brand new low for me.

"What?" Ernie encouraged me as he dried a set of mugs he'd just finished washing.

"Ella! Ella ticks me off! She should know that I mean her for the best! What is she on about!" I groaned angrily, drilling my fingers along the soft wooden bar as I continued to process our feud. It would never end.

"I bet she's a real prick. But there're other fish in the sea, mate. You just gotta go find 'em," Ernie nodded his head. I had a feeling he'd gone through this speech with many more drunken men before me.

"She's my sister! I can't just go find another! I've got to stick with the one my parents got!" I explained, as though he didn't understand how a brother/sister relationship was formed.

"Really? Well that's new. Never had a bloke come in ranting 'bout his sister. What's she done to you, then?" Ernie looked genuinely curious as he put the glass in his hands down and leaned across the bar to me. "What's she done that got you in such a mess?"

"She's dating one of my best friends!" I explained, leaning forward with severe importance. For some odd reason, I now believed it was imperative that Ernie know all about my sob story.

"Ooh, _that's_ a mean one. Tough brake for ye, son. How long they been together?"

"Well... _technically _three months. But physically... like four weeks. I think. I don't know. She goes to school in Manchester so they don't see each other a lot." I explained, trying to do the math in my now slowly functional brain. It wasn't easy.

"That's a tale, mate. But they seem pretty devoted to each other. What's the problem? You don't trust yer mate?" Ernie asked, his small beady eyes flicking over my depressing form. I was about to retort with something like _I do trust him! I just don't trust him with her! _or something just as logical before Ernie was suddenly pulled away. A man in the back had begun projectile vomiting. He excused himself quickly as he went to go clean the other man up.

And so I was left alone to wallow in my own self pity. What was the point anyway? There would never be an end to the fighting between Ella and I. We were doomed to fight until her wedding day. And then her at her divorce trial, when I finally get to say "I told you so" she'd never speak to me again. We were ruined.

"What's with the long face?" I frowned, confused as an extremely familiar voice met my ears. My eyes flicked to the right, noticing that the bar stool beside me was no occupied by a man. But not just any man.

_I am way too drunk. No way is this really happening right now. Dream right? Yeah. Dream._

I looked away from the man, positive that I was hallucinating. I needed to stop drinking and go home to Izzy who was probably worried sick about me. I needed to apologize to her and get some sleep-

"What? You're not even going to grace me with an answer, your majesty?" My eyes flicked over to the guy again, trying to figure out if he was real or if I had gone clinically insane.

"I need to go home..." I mumbled to myself, looking around for Ernie so I could get my bill and head out. He and the barfing man had disappeared.

"You're not going to solve any of your problems at home. Home is where all your problems _start_," the can't-be-real man explained, sipping a beer that he'd miraculously pulled out of thin air, like he was Harry Potter or something.

But he definitely wasn't Harry Potter.

"And how would you know that?" I finally answered him, allowing myself to cave into the insanity for the time being. Just until Ernie got back.

"Because I'm _you_, idiot," he replied, rolling his eyes in the same way I'd seen myself make an innumerable amount of times. I blinked, unable to comprehend.

He wasn't _lying_ per se, but he definitely couldn't have been telling the truth. His face, hair, lips, eyes, nose... clothes, arms, legs.... well... he was an exact replica of me. Why on earth would I hallucinate myself? That seemed... anticlimactic.

"You're not me. I'm me. How can we both be me?" I shook my head, denying his claims. It would be more logical if we were separated twins at birth or something. He couldn't just be _me_.

"Well, I guess you're right. I'm me and you're you. But we're both us."

His words were confusing me. Maybe I'd understand more if I wasn't quite so laden with alcohol. Though I had a feeling that even if I was dead sober I'd still think I needed to be checked into a loony bin.

"I don't get it."

"Of course you don't."

We stared at each other for a moment, analyzing each others – our – faces. He even had the same pimples as I did.

"It's kind of hard to explain. Even _I_ don't totally get it..." Other Harry eventually sighed, turning away and sipping his beer before speaking again. "All I know is that tomorrow neither of us will fully remember this. You'll remember meeting someone... I'll remember a bar... we'll both remember the disgusting scent of that bloke's puke... but we won't remember meeting each other."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do," he shrugged as though it was an answer enough. I frowned, not very satisfied.

"Look, I'm here to help you. You're here to help me. Might as well skip the questions and just get to the spilling of the beans," Other Harry sighed, leaning back on his stool and turning to face me.

"I don't know if I really believe this. I probably look like I'm talking to myself-"

"You _are _talking to yourself."

"That's not what I mean."

"So what? Look, Harry, I could be out looking for my girl right now, and you're kind of wasting my time. Want to just get this over with so we can go back to our lives?" Other Harry asked, a hint of impatience to his voice. His words only confused me further.

"A girl? Who?"

"You don't know her."

"But... aren't we the same-"

"Yeah, we're technically the same but we both have different... I don't know... worlds. Or alternate universes. Or something. You've got your life and I've got mine. All we really have in common is our devilishly good looks. And our drumming skills. And best friends."

"You're friends with Dan, Doug, and Tom?" This news surprised me. Was he friends with _my _friend or were there other The Guys too?

"Obviously. Who would we be without our friends?" He smirked, like he knew something that I didn't. This frustrated me. I wanted to change the topic.

"Whatever. Anyway, who's the girl?"

"A friend."

"Come on dude, don't lie to me. Or to you. Or to us. Whatever it is."

Other Harry sighed and rolled his eyes, staring at me for a good minute or two before he finally explained himself.

"Her name is Tallulah. She's... pretty fucking amazing. And I'm an idiot who can't keep a hold of her for some reason. I'll get her one day though... she can't deny me and she knows it..." After the first half of his statement, it seemed as though he was almost talking to himself.

Damn it... he _was_. Technically.

"Tallulah... is a cool name..." I couldn't really think of anything to reply to what he'd said. I couldn't even identify what emotion he was feeling. He sounded angry, but his words were loving. Almost. It was weird...

"She's a cool girl. Sometimes. Other times she sends me so far up a fucking wall that I never want to see her again. And then she does stupid stuff like touch my arm or walk or laugh... god she's like a succubus." My eyes widened as he spoke. Was this guy _really _me?

"And you _like _this girl?"

"Didn't I just say that?"

"You just called her a succubus. Doesn't that mean-"

"Like a sex demon. Who preys on innocent men. Usually in their sleep," a dark, secretive and oddly perverted smile crept onto his face, "I'll tell you what – we never did much sleeping."

"That," I began, shaking my head, "is freaking nuts."

"Well," he began as well, talking in the same tone as I did, "it wouldn't be quite as nuts if she just did what I freaking asked her to. But no. She has to go and be all difficult and flirt with other guys when we _both _know she can't live without me."

I arched an eyebrow. This guy was full of himself.

Oh... wait... what?

"Seriously man? What the fuck is your problem? I can't believe this is happening... look, it seems like you and this Tallulah girl have a lot of... _unspoken _drama that you need to get out. If you fight all the time why do you even care about her?" I asked him, not able to really understand. "I mean, me and my girlfriend have been together since our Wonderland tour. You had that, right?" He nodded, though rolled his eyes. I ignored it, "and I honestly love her. She's one of my best friends."

"Yeah, well... Tallulah isn't really like that. She doesn't... _talk _well. And when we fight... it's like talking for us. We say the truth. Usually..."

"Well... all I'm saying is maybe you should talk in a normal voice. Not a yelling one." Wow. That sounded intelligent. Go me.

"Yeah... well... whatever. What about you then? Why're you here if your love life is so fine and dandy?" He asked, glaring over at me with a bit of annoyance. Fucking jerk – _he_ was the mean one.

"I wanted a drink."

"Bullshit. No one gets _this_ pissed when they drink alone unless they've really got something bothering them. And if it's not your girlfriend, then what is it?" He demanded, his tone clearly stating that he'd know if he was being lied to.

"Well... it's about Ella."

"Ella? Who's Ella? You're other chick? I knew your love-life couldn't be that perfe-"

"No! Ella's my... wait, you don't have Ella?" I asked, extremely stunned. How could we be the same person if we didn't both have an Ella? He had the guys, right? Why not our sister?

"No? Who is she?"

"She's our...well _my _sister," I explained, trying to imagine living a life without her. It kind of hurt to think about it.

"Your sister? You don't have Kathrine?" He asked, looking just as stunned as I felt.

"Who? No?" This conversation was getting really weird. "Does your Tom have a Giovanna?"

"Yeah, of course. Those two were made for each other," Other Harry replied as though it was obvious.

"Does your Dougie have a Maddy?" I pondered, sobering up lightly as I got more into this conversation. How interesting...

"No, not a Maddy. My Dougie has... well... no one, right now." Harry explained, a little smile touching his features as he thought about it.

"Yeah, normally that's the same with my Dougie," I laughed as well.

"Is your Danny married?" Other Harry asked, getting into the conversation as well. It was weird how we both enjoyed talking about our friends.

"_Married_? God no!" I gasped, terrified at the thought. Other Harry just chuckled again.

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking. I never imagined Danny ever getting married. It was an accident when we vacationed in Las Vegas-"

"_What_?" My fears were rapidly growing. Other Harry starting to notice.

"Well, yeah. He married this sweetheart named Maggie – without knowing her at all. It was a drunken thing. Though they're a second to Tom and Gio now on the Made-For-Each-Other scale," Other Harry explained, nodding his head in approval.

"He's married."

"Yeah. What's the problem?"

"Danny. My Danny. Is dating Ella. My sister." I cut out, shaking my head and not believing it was possible.

"_Ooh_, that sucks!" Other Harry laughed loudly at my pain.

"Shut it man! I'm not quite pleased about it!" I exclaimed, groaning as an image of them kissing entered my mind.

"Well... it's not _all _bad. At least you know Danny."

We sat in silence for a moment, thinking his words over.

"That's exactly why it _is _bad..." I groaned again, laying my head against the cool counter top of the bar. My worst fears were coming true.

"Dude... you've got it bad. I would never let my sister date any of the guys..."

"I know! They used to... _hate _each other. And I mean _hate_. And now they're just all like... ugh! So gross! And he's going to do something SO stupid and mess it all up and break her heart..." I sighed, voicing all of my fears to him. Or to myself. Whatever.

"Yeah... you're right," Other Harry agreed, nodding his head as he listened.

"You're not supposed to _say _that!" I groaned for the hundredth time, wishing that I'd just kept my mouth shut. None of this was doing me any good.

"Well, you _are _right. It's Danny. Inevitably he's going to do something stupid and mess everything up between the two of them. He's done it in every other relationship he's ever had," Other Harry shrugged, confirming all of my suspicions aloud.

"Then what do I do?" I asked feebly, begging for a way to save my sister from the heartache she would eventually succumb to.

"Well, mate..." Other Harry began, his lips tightening into an unhappy look before he spoke, "you know there isn't anything you can do to... stop it. You've just got to... be there for her when it happens. Be her friend – be her brother. Support her and help her feel good about herself again. And then kick Danny's ass because he has it coming to him," Other Harry added the last bit as an extra thought, smiling humorously to himself as he let out a few chuckles.

"I'm not going to kick his ass..." I mumbled, though I considered everything else he'd said more thoroughly. If it was absolutely inevitable that I wouldn't be able to convince Ella that dating Danny wasn't a good idea... then I could definitely be there for her when disaster struck. Who was I to say I Told You so? I would just have to be there to support her.

"You'll kick his ass. Believe me." Other Harry replied, bringing me out of my zone. I looked over at him and had to do a double take.

"Dude! You're fading!" I gasped, looking him over just to confirm that he was, in fact, disappearing like a ghost, fading into a translucent shade.

"Hm... yeah, you're right. Weird." He acknowledged the situation, frowning. "I didn't even get to finish my beer..."

Ernie suddenly reappeared in front of me, wiping his hands efficiently on the black apron tied around his waist. He was looking at me oddly, a worried expression coating his face.

"You okay?" He asked, frowning.

"Of course. Why?"

"You're talkin' to yerself." At this, I looked to my right and sure enough – Other Harry had completely disappeared.

"Oh... um..." I couldn't find an excuse. I was still trying to figure out if everything that had occurred was actually real.

"Look, why don't I give ye a lift home? My wife can manage the bar. You're too out of shape to be drivin' or walkin'," Ernie suggested, his small eyes still looking me over worriedly.

"Yeah... thanks Ern... that'd be great," I agreed, shaking my head as I tried to figure out what exactly had happened. As we left the bar, I turned to look behind me – maybe Other Harry had shown up again?

I was wrong. The bar stool was as empty as ever, though in my eyes I could clearly picture him sitting there, smug lips wrapped around his beer bottle in an arrogant way.

"Ye comin' or what?" Ernie called from ahead of me, pulling me out of my trance. I shook my head one last time and followed him.

And I think I was ready to jump back in to the real world.


End file.
